Ficbusters PLUS: The EXTREME Lost OVA Chapters!
by JepandJeff
Summary: The Non-Infamous ParoFiccers Jep and Jeff set out to mold Love Hina in their own extremely uninformed image. It's crazy-go-nuts!! Chapter 2 is in, as the Ficcers begin their 'assault!' Comments, Please!
1. The Original Celebrated Curiously Strong...

Ficbusters PLUS: The OVA I - "They Mock Your Pain, Mr. Morisato."  
A one shot dose of Ficbusters, to tide you over till Chapter 6 and 7.  
Written by Jesse and Jeff, may their feet be stolen by Hobbles.  
.It's Hobbits.  
Hobbits?  
Hobbits.  
Oh, alright then. May their feet be stolen, not by Hobbles, but Hobbits.  
-Everything is copyright by whoever copyrights it. Dooiee.  
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::Dateline! Your local Hastings Entertainment Center (all VHS rentals seventy-nine cents and under, this week only!)! More specifically, the loooooong tract of anime shelf that is situated right next to the kung-fu movies at your local Hasting Entertainment Center (we carry Gameskins T-Shirts! Screw Hot Topic!). The infamously infamous Ficcers, Jep and Jeff, are surveying the selection.::  
  
Jep: *rubbing his chin* Hey, afro-sheen, Love Hina and all related characters are copyright their respective owners.  
Jeff: *points* Hey, lay off my 'fro. I'm taller than you. What's "Lurve Heener" anyways?  
Jep: Whatever this DVD is…*holds up a random Love Hina DVD case*  
Jeff: I raised my eyebrow as my Danny Devito statured comrade held up the case in question. It was colorful, it looked as if I had walked into a clown party, and I was the only one wearing gray…  
Jep: Dude, cut out the "detective monologue" shit. You sound like a retarded schoolgirl. Look. It's like a Tenchi rip-off, but with semi believable hair.  
Jeff: *reads the back* And more boobies.  
Jep: Fanboy pander!  
Jeff: *nods* Nothing but fan service and panty shots!  
  
*Jep and Jeff look at each other and…Jeff tosses it over his shoulders*  
  
Jep: They don't have anything good.  
Jeff: Oh! Oh oh oh!! Let's rent THIS one!! *holds up End of Evangelion: The MOVIE.*  
  
*Jep and Jeff look at each other, then start laughing.*  
  
Jep: Paul keeps trying to push that shit off on us…what makes you think we're going to rent it??  
Jeff: I know, I know…I'm just joshing, bra. *puts the DVD back*  
Jep: Well…we've scoured and scouted and scored, but no good movies. And all the ninja movies are checked out, we've seen The Two Towers, we've seen Treasure Planet…  
Jeff: Only twice. We need mooooore.  
Jep: Yeah, but it's gone. What can we do for fun?  
Jeff: No idea…watch more Bruce Lee movies?  
Jep: Eh, alright. It seems like a good idea…huh?  
Jeff: *shakes his head and makes a face conveying confusion* What the whabasha?  
  
*All the lights go out, except for a glowing beam of light over the discarded Love Hina case. Cow, the big fat gray tabby, is hovering over it.*  
  
Jep: Cow!  
Jeff: Dude, I've told you time and time again, you HAVE to get like, a collar for him or something!  
Cow: *ignoring them* Dudes. I have your answers. Spread your POWAH and your might into the newest fad of the fan boys who lack a suitable outlet for their libido. Take Love Hina, but do not rent it. Merely gain a minimal knowledge of the show by looking at the DVD case, downloading a SINGLE episode off the internet, and reading fan fiction. Be sure to read the fan fiction that contains the word 'teh' in the summary…  
Jep: But…Cow…what about what we don't know?  
Cow: Figure it out, nimrod! Fill in the rest with He-Man and "Bill and Ted " references and the word "penis," for it is a funny wooord.  
Jeff: Choice cuts, bro.  
Cow: Rock on, most excellent dudes.  
Jep: He's said that before.  
Jeff: Yes he has.   
Jep: Quickly, Jeff! While I gather bad horror movies for our research, you stash candy in that ree-dee-cue-loss 'fro of yours!  
Jeff: Yes! We shall make them say things that they don't know with our retarded-ness!  
Jep: INDEED! Quickly, to the CAVILER!  
  
::And so it begins, Jep and Jeff spent a good thirty minutes reading Love Hina fan fiction and watching one episode of it. The rest of the time, they watched "Indiana Jones" and reruns of "Hogan's Heroes" and "Dude. Where's My Car", till the time of decisive fic writing was NIGH!!!::  
  
*Jep and Jeff are sitting on a couch, wearing monocles and top hats. Papers and printouts are strewn throughout the living room.*  
  
Jep: Okay…time to report our findings. What we learned from the Episode. We got 26, right?  
Jeff: Right. I think these people live in the magical land of Christmasvillelandisland, or something. Apparently, Christmas happens often. Most of the peeps in this thing celebrate it, but this one chick 'Narusomething' it all Grinchy about it, and has thing for glasses. This other chick, 'Mokoto' or Totoro or something impulsively karate-chops gropey Japanese businessman, and has a history with the LAW.  
Then there's these two little girls, I dunno, monkeys or something. There's this one older girl who looks like a little girl who is all mopey and angsty and sheet. Shablokhan? I think that's her name.  
Jep: Monkeys. Good. I like monkeys.  
Jeff: Yes. There's this blonde woman who always has her eyes closed, and her voice is cool. Apparently, she's loud and has the largest chest of the group. The animators seemed to like to point that one out, really.  
Jep: Is that all?  
Jeff: Some air headed girl who looks like Narusomething, except with darker brown hair. Dopplenarusomething, I think. Then the main dude Keichiro, is a nerd. He gets punched once in a while.  
Jep: Sweet. What did you learn from the fanfiction?  
Jeff: Much more than I wanted.  
Jep: Oh?  
Jeff: Apparently, a lot of them are VAMPIRES. Keichiro and Narusomething, it seems.  
Jep: Yes, yes…makes sense. Draw in as many subcultures as possible!  
Jeff: And that busty blonde woman is like…a fox spirit or something.  
Jep: Goood, putting in a little myth and lore…  
Jeff: And Mototoro is like a samurai.  
Jep: And you like that?  
Jeff: Dude, samurai.  
Jep: Yes. And the rest?  
Jeff: They're all horny and want each other.  
Jep: Right, we might want to tone that down.  
Jeff: Yes.  
Jep: So…is it time to get to work?  
Jeff: *grins and nods* Let's mess 'em up, Ken and Ryu style.  
Jep: Yes. Let's.  
  
*Jep and Jeff jump off the couch and hurry back to Jep's Cavalier, where they eventually tear out into the next chapter! Stay tuned, we're really gonna mess with your miiiiiiinds!*  
  
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In the next chapter, stuff TOTALLY happens at that hot springs hotel where all this stuff goes down! I kid you not, peeps. It's gonna be crazy - go - nuts! 


	2. First Strike!

Ficbusters PLUS: The OVA II - "Some Stupid Reference to an Item."  
A one shot dose of Ficbusters, to tide you over till Chapter 6 and 7.  
Written by Jesse and Jeff, may they be stabbed in the heads by Armacorn.  
You always get it wrong!  
What?  
Aragorn! It's ARA - GORN!  
Dude, whatever. May he buff our faces off with his super-stubble.  
-Everything is copyright by whoever copyrights it. Yeyeah.  
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::Dateline, a beautiful sunny Spring day at Hinata Inn! Narusegawa is in her room, doing a little bit of…studying! The other residents of the dorm are here and there and sprinkled about the house doing their own things, but Naru is the focus of this first scene. Everything seems fine, until a sudden split in time happens, and immediately alters several principle character details that made Naru the Naru the fans either love or hate! In an instant, her room's interior changes to these new designs, and now resembles an EVIL LAIR more than a bedroom, complete with a huge, twisted-looking telescope jutting through a hole in the roof of the inn. Naru is looking through the scope's viewer thingy, then dramatically turns away from it, her face scrunched into a look of disgust and hate, her eyes burning behind her newly acquired EVIL MONOCLE!::  
  
Naru: BLAST! Blast and blast AGAIN! It appears my cunningly BRILLIANT scheme to mutate all the small, cute, well-trimmed cedar and pine trees into tree-sized, short-tempered, easily provoked, starving flesh-eating DEATH TREES has failed to destroy Christmas!! If this continues, I fear those happy, sappy residents of Christmaslandvilleisland will be able to celebrate that disgusting holiday AGAIN! THAT CAN NOT BE!! ARGH!  
  
::Naru stands for a moment and shakes her fist at the ceiling in a futile attempt to drive her point home. Meanwhile, Keitaro and the rest of the Hinata residents are watching from Naru's new, sinister doorway.  
  
Kei: You know…I think there's something bothering Naru. I can't put my finger on it, though.  
  
::The others nod, except for Mitsune, who looks at Keitaro like he's a moron. The camera quickly switches back to an above-shot of Naru, who continues to shake her fist at the ceiling ::  
  
Naru: Well, if I can't destroy the holiday, I'll destroy the PEOPLE! With my HANDS!! *maniacal laughter*  
  
::Back to Keitaro. The rest of Hinata's residents have moved on, but Mitsune is still staring at Kei.::  
  
Mitsu: Oh really. You just THINK there's something wrong?  
Kei: Well, you know…she LOOKS like Narusegawa. She SOUNDS like Narusegawa…she's not Kanako, I know that…  
Mitsu: So, the giant telescope is of no consequence?   
Kei: *looks at Mitsune and raises an eyebrow* What telescope?  
Mitsu: *stares* …  
Kei: *glances to the side and makes a hand motion meant to imitate the action of drinking something.*  
Mitsu: I'm going out. You people are starting to scare me. *leaves*  
  
::Meanwhile, a 2000 model, dark green Chevy Cavalier is flying high above the Earth, a 'la DeLorean Powers! Jep is driving, and Jeff is fumbling with a huge map.::  
  
Jeff: Screw! I hate having to fold these things up. I wanna get back to typing, so that Lurve Heener will be messed up pretty good when we get there. Less work, more entertainment!  
Jep: We wouldn't NEED the map, if you hadn't told me to take that last exit. You had us driving towards Detroit for nine whole hours!  
Jeff: Not my fault you didn't read the signs…  
Jep: Shut up. Just shut up, and fold the map.  
Jeff: Fine! Fine…*sighs and continues fighting with the map* So…why are we going THERE, anyways? We know what's gonna happen. We're writing it!  
Jep: Look, I just think it'd be more entertaining if we were there to see what was happening, y'know? Concerts are better than CDs.  
Jeff: I guess your right. So, what then? The passive, neutral viewing plan?  
Jep: Right! We don't do anything but talk.   
  
::Jep points to a ball of lights that has been fitted into the middle backseat of the car, along with a whole mess of wires.::  
  
Jep: The Insert-Capacitor will put us in this thing, but that doesn't give us the right to take advantage of the situation. We are NOT part of the story, nor are we trying to be. Right?  
Jeff: Bitchin'.  
Jep: Right. We're just there to watch. And totally screw everything up  
Jeff: Hehe…oh. By the way, 'Insert-Capacitor?' I love you man, but that's the most retarded thing you've put in your car. Messing up a bunch of animes and games and stuff was bad enough, but totally ripping off Super Happy Time Adventure? Weeeeak…  
Jep: Shut up, and enjoy the ride, okay? We'll be there in about 1.21...  
Jeff: Jigowatts.  
Jep: I wasn't going to say that.  
Jeff: Dude, you were SO for Jigowatts.  
Jep: Yes! Jigowatts.   
  
::Jep pulls some sort of gear shift looking device, and the Cavalier explodes, reforms, and then zooms off into the horizon, leaving behind a trail of fire AND spelling out "FAWK!" in said fire. Meanwhile, back at the Hinata Inn, Mitsune has decided the best way to escape the extended amount of retardedness that has Hinata Inn in it's clutches…is to drink herself to sleep. As per usual, I hear. Keitaro enters, and looks at Mitsune.::  
  
Kei: Feeling better?  
Mitsune: *makes some noises that could possibly be formed into "Much."*  
Kei: Well, I'm glad to almost hear it. You had me worried, what with the seeing phantom telescopes and whatnot..  
  
::After a few moments of silence, a new character enters. One that could only be brought in through the use of a horrible, frightening, over-used power…CUROSS-OVAAAH!::  
  
Solid Snake: *taps Keitaro* Manager Urashima?  
Kei: *looks at Solid Snake and jumps back* Ah!! Who…who the hell are you??  
S.Snake: No telling. But, let me introduce you to a friend of mine…  
Kei: W…who?  
S.Snake: Mr. Afewtranqdartsshotintoyourforehead. *promptly shoots a few tranq darts into Keitaro's forehead.*  
Kei: Aggle. *passes out, from extreme tranqness.*  
Mistu: *Has been out, due to extreme tankedness, so the scene is wasted on her.*  
  
::Snake immediately sets down something that looks like an un-inflated inflatable raft and pulls the rip cord, causing the object to inflate and become a very poor rubber inflation imitation of Keitaro. He then pulls out a small tape deck, turns it on, and slips it under the couch.   
  
T.Deck: *in an overly squeaky voice* I'm Keitaro! I'm Keitaro! I'm Keitaro! I'm Keitaro…  
  
::He then picks up Keitaro's feet, and drags him out of the room and towards the ABANDONED WING OF THE INN! (Oooh! Spooky!), making sure to pull him over a few steps and rocks, for comedic effect. Meanwhile, out back in…the Hinata's back area…or something…Jeff and Jep have set up camp with two lawn chairs, a large can of spinach, an economy sized jar of mayonnaise, and a battery powered Dreamcast with a keyboard.::  
  
Jeff: *is typing on the Dreamcast* You sure we'll be okay back here?  
Jep: *is drinking a glass of iced tea, with a sliver of lemon* Oh yeeeah. The victims never check their backyards, y'know.   
Jeff: Are we sure this is the BACK yard? What if it's all crazy Japany this is the FRONT yard?  
Jep: Then we'd be discovered by now. Has Snake set up Keitaroy yet?  
Jeff: Yes, and the tape deck, and he's hiding the body now. There should be enough Tranqotranq in Keitaro's system to keep him passed out for an entire chapter, and that's when the zombies come.  
Jep: Eeeeexcellent. Continue rewriting the cast, they bore me.  
Jeff: Righto! *begins typing away at a furious pace*  
Jep: Mwuhaha! This is great! We're messing the stuff up, and there is no POSSIBLE way those idiotic, bumbling, weak-ass Ficbusters can do anything about it!  
  
:: WTF at the exact instant, in the Ficbuster's converted Exxon Station base house…Sephiroth and Ghaleon are sitting at the kitchen table!!::  
  
Seph:….my ears are burning.  
Ghal: *doesn't look up from his newspaper* Well, that's what you get for leaving your door unlocked so Naked Cloud can get in there.  
  
*Sephiroth glances over. Naked Cloud is suddenly very THERE, and is grinning.*  
  
Seph: Damnit. I wish Dark Cloud had killed him…  
  
::Back at the Hinata Inn…::  
  
Jeff: *stops typing* Yeah, just go ahead and jinx the project, why don't you.  
Jep: What?   
Jeff: You KNOW if you mention the Ficbusters…  
::Exxon…::  
  
Seph: Ears. My ears are burning again.  
Ghal: Please shut up. Your making me retarded.  
  
::Hinata Inn…::  
  
Jeff:…then they'll just show up again and catch us. Then we'd have to get our Paster selves to beat them. You know it'll happen. They got the Future Us already, and we're the Past Us! The Paster Us are even worse, and then the Pasterer Us are like…five!  
Jep: Shut up. Keep typing. Make them wrooooong!  
Jeff: Alright. Alright…*goes back to typing*  
  
::Meanwhile, back INSIDE the Hinata, Motoko descends into the main room where the Keitaroy and the incapitated Mitsune are. She looks about and raises an eyebrow questioningly…::  
  
Ketry: I'm Keitaro! I'm Keitaro! I'm Keitaro! I'm Keitaro…  
Moto: Something….is not quite right. Urashima-senpai…  
Ketry: I'm Keitaro!  
Moto: I know. Senpai, the air feels strange…it hangs heavy. You haven't seen anything…  
  
::Suddenly, in that same character detail afflicting split instant that changed Naru, Motoko is changed as well. She now resembles Mangi from Blade of Immortal, what with the pulled backness of her hair, scarred arms and face, and a kicky crazy kimono.::  
  
Moto:…Usted no ha visto cualquier cosa extraño hoy? Senpai!  
  
::Mitsune wakes with a start from Motoko's shouting and looks at her.::  
  
Mitsu: Ahg! Moto…ko?  
Moto: *looks to her* Qué?  
Mitsu: *blinks* Uhh…what?  
Moto: *rolls her eyes and turns, going back up the stairs.* Si el su ir justo a hablar absurdo, entonces sea reservado!   
Mitsu: *blinks again and rubs her forehead* Motoko doesn't speak Spanish! *glances about the room* What's going on around here?!  
Ketry: I'm Keitaro!  
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Narusegawa, Keitaro, and Motoko have been taken under by the ignorant typings of the two Ficcers! What in the hell is going to happen next? Will the Ficbusters make anything else besides lame jokes and cameo appearances?? And why is the drunkard the only one who seems to notice things going down like dat?? I dunno, and Jesse doesn't know, and we're WRITING this thing! Damn! Chapter 3, on the way! 


End file.
